Everyday I Die a Little

I’m afraid of my life now. For the past five years I've been living in my own world where there's no time...full of fantasies, full of dreams...dream..dream..dream..But every dream has an end and I have to wake up and face the reality. I’ve been on a deep sleep and woke up having nothing but a dream…no career, no direction, no bright future ahead…I even lost the only bestfriend I have. Now I just realized the value of time. I don’t know where to go. For how many times I tried to stand up and have a new start but things doesn’t work the way I wanted to. Why is this happening to me? Am I doomed to fail? Am I born to be a dolt? A loser? I’m so lost. I don’t even know my worth and my purpose in life. I’m afraid that one day no one will look after me even my family. I don’t know but sometimes, they make me feel like I’m the less important member of the family. My heart now is full of hatred and sadness. I don’t like to feel this way but I can’t find any reason to be happy. I’m having a hard time dealing not only with my own self but with my family as well. I know I’m just being too sensitive because of my present situation and also suffering from middle child syndrome. Life is so hard for me now…I feel so alone…so alone…